Open Letter to the Grandchildren of Duncan and Betty MacEachern:

You, the next MacEachern generation, like the average American kid of your generation, are blessed in unprecedented ways. You are living in a time during which economic prosperity has reached more people than any point in history. To be sure, there are many people suffering in poverty today, but the point is that never before have so many people lived so well.

You are certainly materially better off than your parents and your parents were better off than your grandparents. It was not easy to raise 8 boys, especially for two people who came to this country looking for opportunity that did not exist in the home of their parents. Your grandparents often worked two and three jobs each. Your fathers did not have the luxury of college funds awaiting them after high school.

These are all people who worked hard and played hard. But at bottom, these are people who live and love from a foundation of high moral standards tempered by an accepting compassion for others. Having come from fiercely religious peoples who lived a relatively isolated existence as the result of historic oppression, they naturally harbor tribal tendencies and an innate sense of culture. These are basic, good people. And you should know how this foundation sets your family apart from the average Americans of your generation.

Although your grandparents divorced after decades of marriage, they still respect one another and are forever connected by their children. Your grandfather takes every opportunity to express the love and pride he has for his children. Your grandmother’s umbilical cord to each one of her sons was never spiritually severed even as the physical distance from most of her boys has increased. Unfortunately, as we all know, as individuals the two of them grew to have less and less in common with each other in terms of daily living and activity. The split has been as amicable as anyone could ever expect over the years. Your fathers have never failed to support each of their parents in their decisions.

I have often said how amazing it is that in a family of 8 boys, all of them could turn out to be such wonderful human beings. They never fail to uphold this standard. And recent events have not proven otherwise, even as the tough decisions were being pondered about your grandmother’s living situation. Throughout the process there was nary a hint of resentment on the issue.

As our parents age new challenges present. The way we choose to deal with our parents, each other and the situation speaks volumes about who we are. In many families divorces and parent-care challenges would generate animosity, ill will, resentment and drive unbearable wedges between family members. How many times have we heard stories of fighting and bickering over dividing up the silverware and the care and financial burdens amongst family units resulting in brothers and sisters never speaking to one another again? We were warned of this nasty complication during a recent tour of an assisted living facility. The facility manager was offering this caveat from her own experience and from what she has witnessed in other families. But, that was not so for us.

Your fathers are providing you children with the greatest gift they could ever bestow on you in the way they willingly respond each step of the way down this path called life. Each one accepts without question his role in caring for their mother. Although they may be slow to pull the trigger sometimes and some have borne more of the burden than others, they have not failed to timely, and amicably resolve the challenges both in terms of money and time, notwithstanding their own personal concerns. This is because they are who they are because of who their parents are.

I wanted you to know that your Dads and uncles are not regular guys.[1] They are principled, devoted, loving men who implicitly trust one another to always do the right thing when it comes to their mother. You will never be more blessed than you are to have them as your role models. I wanted you to know this because when you are on the inside looking out it is easy to overlook the reality.

Don’t take this gift for granted. Repay it in spades by emulating it in everything you do.




[1] The unparalled, exceptional character qualities exhibited by your fathers are, of course, exemplified by their uncanny selection of mates. Behind every great man there is an even greater woman and your aunts/mothers are not to be discounted in this. In fact, your uncles/dads will no doubt attribute as much of their success to their spouses as they do to their parents. On this point I would agree, but I would not be objective and therefore this essay is confined to my observations of only your dads..