He that respects himself is safe from others. He wears a coat of mail that none can pierce.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882)
In every country we should be teaching our children the scientific method and the reasons for a Bill of Rights. With it comes a certain decency, humility and community spirit. In the demon-haunted world that we inhabit by virtue of being human, this may be all that stands between us and the enveloping darkness.
Carl Sagan (1934 - 1996)
This morning at the YMCA the topic of respect came up after an anecdote about the members dragging their weight lifting equipment across the beautifully finished wood floors to their exercise space. Of course, the floors don't stay beautiful or finished for long when people treat them that way. But then, who thinks of such things anymore?
Several times a day of late it seems we are subjected to another public "apology" as people in the political arena make a statement and, when criticized, rather than stand behind it they start with the mea culpas or, worse, personally attacking the critic. Take General Stanley McChrystal who today is being ripped for quotes in a magazine article that attributes criticism of his Commander in Chief. Despite the reporting, he now professes to have the utmost respect and admiration for the President and his staff. Reputations don't stay intact for long when people throw themselves under the bus.
These are two diverse examples of a problem that has become endemic in our culture—lack of respect. We are not lacking for respect because everyone in our society has developed an acute sense of self respect. But we don't seem to take the respect beyond our own auras.
From those folks working out at the Y who are so enthralled with themselves for actually exercising to the General who, at least from the Rolling Stone article, exhibits the highly developed ego that usually goes hand in hand with high flying military positions, we all seem to have an acutely developed sense of self importance and hold no one in higher esteem.
This fullness of self knows no bounds. The blow back from the anti-illegal immigration measures that have flooded recent headlines is predominantly expressed by folks who have so much self respect that they have elevated themselves above the law. The enormously wealthy oil company responsible for recklessly polluting one of our major oceanic resources while simultaneously wasting vast amounts of one of our most coveted natural resources was so full of itself it took for granted that it could do no wrong and failed to put a proper contingency plan in place for just such a disaster.
To be sure, as a society we have much to be proud of. We are more civilized and have the best quality of life in human history. But as progress has improved the standard of living for the vast majority of the citizens in the West, it has also brought with it unprecedented challenges.
And let's face it, right now the negatives are reaching epic proportions: two majors wars and dozens of potential hot spots across the globe that the US cannot ignore, together with tanking economies, natural and human made disasters popping up in rapid succession, a series of large scale health threats from our food supply chain or super resistant biotins, the undefined impact of the ubiquitous chemicals on the human body, rising energy demand with serious environmental consequences, porous borders, drug cartels gone wild, overburdened and under-resourced governments, an ultra-expensive and questionably effective health care system-- the list goes on and on.
Perhaps we have so much respect for ourselves, much of it rightfully earned, that we are taking ourselves for granted. We know there will be someone out there who will come up with the answers—they always have. Meanwhile we play Little League without keeping score, spend countless hours on video games, watch mass appeal movies that are invariably all the same plot dressed up with some special effects and buy IPads to enhance our distractions.
Now, I am not advocating that we start hacking away at the precious fiber of the tenuous network of our self esteem; but when you have Generals publically dissing their Presidents and lawmakers grilling CEO's just to play for the cameras, it becomes very unclear how any of these big issues can be seriously addressed.
We have no leaders because we are all so cock sure of ourselves. According to the polls at any given moment we all have a specific opinion about everything. With that ammo the politicians just set their navigators for that course and if they mess up along the way there is a quick apology and we are on to something else.
But how can we be so confident? And sure about what? That we are Americans, so naturally it will all get taken care of because it always has?
A very small example of this phenomenon recently affected my campaign for Justice of the Peace. Because my decision came so late in the game, some great friends of mine spent chunks of their own time circulating petitions in their immediate areas. I am certain that these diligent people did their best to explain the rules, the most basic being you had to be a voter. Thirty one people were so self confident about this that without hesitation they signed. Later we found that indeed they were not registered. And since it takes several Presidential election cycles without voting to get dropped from the rolls it is most interesting that a person would not know this basic fact about themselves.
How did this happen? Lack of respect. Yes, I just went through a whole litany about how people are suffering from an abundance of respect. But it is self respect gone wild. And just like Wordsworth said, all these folks are emotionally insulated by their own self respect. So much so that there is no respect left for each other, our politicians, our community or the wood floor at the YMCA.
The lack respect for others goes hand in hand with having too much self respect. The Golden Rule, "do unto others as you would have them do unto you"--which really is the only thing you need to know-- has the perfect balance of self respect. But in order to live by it one needs a good dose of humility.
Those who aspire to be our leaders by definition need a raft full of self respect. But most often we see that abundance of self respect is offset by a complete lack of humility. Case in point: Maricopa County recently had a County Attorney who I know personally to be an intelligent and compassionate individual. This makes my disappointment in his performance all the greater. The thing I cannot get past is that while he was true to his ideals, he seemed to lose all contact with humility. This caused him to go to extremes that manifested as a complete lack of respect for the very system he claimed to be so adamantly protecting. It culminated in his unprecedented attack of members of the judiciary. His self respect, I surmise, had overcome his sense of relativity. Later, under the pressure of public scrutiny, the cases he brought against the Judges and elected officials crumbled beneath their own weight. So his over confidence clearly overshadowed his intellect.
Humility, which is the essence of respect for others and which if you think about it is embedded in the Golden Rule, would have served him well. I once read that "[h]umility distinguishes the wise leader from the arrogant power-seeker". Stepping back and checking yourself is never a bad idea, but if you are so self important it is not likely to cross your mind very often. Carl Sagan nailed it when he observed that learning the scientific method instills humility. That is because the method is intended to ensure a certain amount of objectivity.
He rang another bell with his suggestion regarding the Bill of Rights, which as Americans it should be our duty to learn. Ironically, the first 10 Amendments were designed to protect the individual, but it works much like the Golden Rule, by providing an internal correction mechanism.
But civics is no longer taught in country. Perhaps after nearly 250 years we became so self-sure that we finally got it right that we forgot it is necessary to keep reminding people what it is and teaching the ensuing generations so that they never forget. But somehow that became derailed and the masses swoon after each new apology.
One should not, however, confuse apology with humility. True humility would restrain the impulse that generated the need to apologize in the first place. But this, too, apparently must be taught.
Lessons can be learned two ways, easy or hard. In my humble opinion we should waste no time in getting back to teaching civics in school rather than wait and relearn this lesson the hard way.
